presidentarthoe:

me: oh my god please let me concentrate for once
my shit brain: Ra Ra Rasputin. Russia’s Greatest Love Machine.

(via guy)

mjalti:

“u shouldn’t use ur phone while it’s charging” and Napoleon shouldn’t have tried to invade Russia during its frigid winter ok but we’re all hellbent on digging our own private graves here

(via guy)

mjalti:

me, drinking tea: pls leaf water….sage my body of the demons of my past…steam my colon…let me know peace

me, drinking coffee: I beg of u bean juice….cleanse me of the curse of sleep….make my heart beat like a tribal drum in ceremony….let me conquer this building

(via ethanearthworm)

kosherqueer:

me: *stubs my toe* wow….i hate men

(via lohanthony-deactivated20210629)